Pre-nuptial Agreement?

Q. I have a question on financial issues in the case of re-marriage. So hypothetically speaking, I, a Christian widower, met a Christian widow. Both of us have adult children and are financially independent. Suppose we decide to get married. My question is this. The assets I have were jointly earned by my first wife and me. It was her desire, and mine as well, that whatever assets are left when I pass away, I want them to go to our children and grandchildren. The only way I can think of to make this happen is to have a pre-nuptial agreement, and I think the other woman would probably want to do the same thing. However, having a prenup doesn’t feel right, for it gives a sense of distrust. I believe that one must put this down in writing so there will not be misunderstandings or confusion, as later on there will be other people involved. So, is it OK to have a prenup?

There are no pre-nuptial agreements, or prenups, in the Bible, but there are biblical principles on marriage that apply here. A prenup is an agreement entered into by a couple before marriage that sets out how assets will be divided if they divorce. In essence, it is a business contract between partners. Typically the more wealthy partner asks for a prenup to protect his (her) assets in case the poorer partner marries him (her) for money. While prenups are quite common among the rich and the famous, they show a lack of trust in the partner, hence a legal document to protect oneself. But a fundamental question is, “if you don’t trust your partner with your money, how can you entrust your life/health to your mate?”

Biblically, marriage is a covenant, not a contract, between husband and wife:

• Mt 19:4-6 And He answered and said, “Have you not read that He who created them from the beginning made them male and female, and said, ‘For this reason, a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh? So they are no longer two, but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let no man separate.”
• Rom 7:2 For the married woman is bound by law to her husband while he is living; but if her husband dies, she is released from the law concerning the husband.
• 1 Co 7:39 A wife is bound as long as her husband lives; but if her husband is dead, she is free to be married to whom she wishes, only in the Lord.

God’s design for marriage is one man-one woman, one husband-one wife, one union-one flesh, and one marriage for life. Marriage is dissolved only when one partner dies, after which the surviving spouse is released and free to remarry. Since covenants are unconditional, permanent pledges made for the other’s benefit, a prenup in anticipation of a divorce is inconsistent with a biblical marriage. Why plan for getting your “fair” share when you divorce, when the two of you should be working together to make your marriage great?

From your preamble, you are planning to leave your assets to your offspring when you pass away, not when you divorce. I assume your future wife would want to leave her assets to her offspring too. One solution is to set up two trusts. The first will hold the bulk of your assets for the benefit of your children and grandchildren. The second holds most of her assets with her offspring as beneficiaries. I say “bulk” because, presumably, both you and your future mate would want the surviving partner to be adequately provided for until the second partner dies. I suggest that rather than talk about a prenup, you two should share and come to a mutually agreeable arrangement. Then incorporate that arrangement in your respective wills. That would be a more productive conversation than a prenup which shows mistrust, as you rightly pointed out. Hope this helps.

Remembering Mr. Wu Sr.

Enjoying balloon ice-cream!

Mr. Wu Sr. was our friend’s dad. We’ve known him for several years but talked with him most last year when we visited him at his assisted living home.

We always knew him to be a gentleman with a sense of humor. For example, Ellen makes crafts with balloons as a hobby, and always brings him something for fun when we visit. One time she made him a balloon sundae.  He took a spoon & pretended to eat it. Another time she made a basket of fruits. He picked one up to bite it. His care-provider burst out laughing.

As his age went up, his health went down. While we were concerned about his physical well-being, as a pastor I was just as much interested in his spiritual welfare. So each time we visited we aimed to do two things: cheer him up by talking about his past, to jog his long-term memory, and make sure he knows God.

He said he used to attend a Baptist church in Taiwan seventy years ago, when he was in his 20s. No one had invited him; he just felt he should learn about Christianity. He went for about two years and led a group of young people who asked many questions. Later on, he took his wife along and they were baptized there.

During our visits, he would read Bible verses with us, sang hymns he could recall, and even recited the Lord’s prayer. To ascertain his faith, we brought a large-print evangelistic booklet for him to read. I asked him, “When your life’s journey comes to an end, are you sure you would go to heaven?” He thought he would but wasn’t sure.

We went over the gospel with him, then tested his understanding by asking: If you are at heaven’s gates, and the angel guarding the door asks you, “Why should I let you into heaven?”, what would you say? He thought and said, “Because I trust in Jesus.” We were very happy for him as he understood the gospel and was a believer! But at the same time, he was a little sad as he said his family was not yet Christian.

We assured him that if they become Christians, they will see each other again in heaven because that’s what God promised in the Bible. Everyone who trusts in Jesus as Lord & Savior will have eternal life in heaven. So even though we’re sad to see Mr. Wu Sr. leave, we’re glad that he’s going to a far, far better place, to be with Jesus and reunited with his wife. For that we are thankful.

Forgive?

Q. My ex-husband was a gambler who abused and abandoned us when our kids were small. I raised them up as a single mom and now that they are grown up, he wants to be reconciled, but there’s no sign that he changed at all. I’m afraid that he will just take advantage of us, and I don’t want my children to be hurt again. Should I take him back?

A. Hard as it is to accept, you should forgive him. Scripture is very clear about forgiving those who have hurt you:

• Mt 6:12, 14-15 ‘And forgive us our debts, as we also have forgiven our debtors. … For if you forgive others for their transgressions, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive others, then your Father will not forgive your transgressions.
• Mt 18:21-22 Then Peter came and said to Him, “Lord, how often shall my brother sin against me and I forgive him? Up to seven times?” Jesus said to him, “I do not say to you, up to seven times, but up to seventy times seven.
• Mt 18:33-35 Should you not also have had mercy on your fellow slave, in the same way that I had mercy on you?’ And his lord, moved with anger, handed him over to the torturers until he should repay all that was owed him. My heavenly Father will also do the same to you, if each of you does not forgive his brother from your heart.”
• Mk 11:25-26 Whenever you stand praying, forgive, if you have anything against anyone, so that your Father who is in heaven will also forgive you your transgressions. [But if you do not forgive, neither will your Father who is in heaven forgive your transgressions.”]
• Lk 7:47-48 For this reason I say to you, her sins, which are many, have been forgiven, for she loved much; but he who is forgiven little, loves little.” Then He said to her, “Your sins have been forgiven.”
• Lk 11:4 ‘And forgive us our sins, For we ourselves also forgive everyone who is indebted to us. And lead us not into temptation.’”
• Lk 17:3-4 Be on your guard! If your brother sins, rebuke him; and if he repents, forgive him. And if he sins against you seven times a day, and returns to you seven times, saying, ‘I repent,’ forgive him.”
• Eph 4:32 Be kind to one another, tender-hearted, forgiving each other, just as God in Christ also has forgiven you.

These passages clearly state that our Father forgives us if and when we forgive those who transgress against us. If we do not forgive others, our Father will also withhold forgiveness from us, because our unforgiving shows that we have not truly repented. Repentance is not simply confessing with our mouth that we have done wrong, it is changing our minds to amend, to act, with abhorrence of our past sins. We are to show mercy just as God had mercy on us, otherwise we show ourselves not worthy to receive God’s forgiveness.

Having said that, taking him back involves something more. To forgive is to let go, to give up, to release a person from his/her obligation to you, because of the wrong they have done to you. It can be one-sided, unilateral, or unconditional. However, reconciliation is two sided. Even if you are willing to forgive, if the other party does not repent, there cannot be reconciliation. You may wish him/her well, but an unrepentant person will continue to hurt and open up old wounds again, not only for you but for those you love and want to protect. Under such situations the most we can do is “love our enemies”:

• Mt 5:44 But I say to you, love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you,
• Lk 6:27“But I say to you who hear, love your enemies, do good to those who hate you,
• Lk 6:35 But love your enemies, and do good, and lend, expecting nothing in return; and your reward will be great, and you will be sons of the Most High; for He Himself is kind to ungrateful and evil men.

Loving our enemies mean we do good to them – we do not exact revenge; we wish them well. We forgive them, but we don’t have to take them in as if nothing ever happened. God Himself requires sinners to repent before accepting them into His family. The Lord does not wish for any to perish, but for all to come to repentance (2 Pet 3:9). But it’s up to them to repent, without which they can’t be reconciled to God. I think the same applies to us.

Ancestor Worship?

Qingming Tomb Sweeping

During our recent STM trip to Panama and Colombia, we shared the gospel with quite a few Chinese residents. Two of them approached us separately with the same question, “What do I do about ancestor worship? My mom is a believer in traditional folk religion, including ancestor worship. She would never allow me to trust in Jesus. She said, “Who will burn the joss sticks for me after I die? You must never believe in Jesus!” What should I do?”

First, this question is common not only to those two young ladies, but a lot of women whose homes are steeped in Chinese folk religion. Unfortunately, folk religion is concerned more about tradition, not truth. Many people practice ancestor worship simply because it is passed down from one generation to the next, without thinking through whether it is true or not. We need to sort out what’s real and what’s based on fear, and don’t allow the latter to crowd out the former.

To begin with, the Chinese have always placed a high value on filial piety, the respect for parents and elders, based on Confucianism. This is perfectly in harmony with the biblical ethics, as the Scriptural teaching is:

• Ex 20:12 “Honor your father and your mother, that your days may be prolonged in the land which the Lord your God gives you.
• Duet 5:16 ‘Honor your father and your mother, as the Lord your God has commanded you, that your days may be prolonged and that it may go well with you on the land which the Lord your God gives you.
• Mt 15:4 For God said, ‘Honor your father and mother,’ and, ‘He who speaks evil of father or mother is to be put to death.’ (Also Mk 7:10)
• Mt 19:19 Honor your father and mother; and You shall love your neighbor as yourself.”
• Mk 10:19 You know the commandments, ‘Do not murder, Do not commit adultery, Do not steal, Do not bear false witness, Do not defraud, Honor your father and mother.’” (Also Lk 18:20)
• Eph 6:2 Honor your father and mother (which is the first commandment with a promise),

The problem arises when those who practice folk religion elevate the position of deceased ancestors to “gods” and pay homage to them as if they were deities, asking for their blessings and protection. In return, they burn joss sticks or incense before the ancestors’ photos or image (a form of idols) as rituals, which essentially is a “quid pro quo” transaction. This is idolatry and strictly forbidden in the Bible:

• Ex 20:3 “You shall have no other gods before Me. (Also Deut 5:7)
• Ex 20:23 You shall not make other gods besides Me; gods of silver or gods of gold, you shall not make for yourselves.
• Deut 6:14 You shall not follow other gods, any of the gods of the peoples who surround you,
• Deut 11:6 Beware that your hearts are not deceived, and that you do not turn away and serve other gods and worship them.
• Judg 10:13 Yet you have forsaken Me and served other gods; therefore I will no longer deliver you.
• Jer 25:6 and do not go after other gods to serve them and to worship them, and do not provoke Me to anger with the work of your hands, and I will do you no harm.’

Honoring our parents is the fifth of the ten commandments and repeated in the New Testament. But going beyond “honoring” our ancestors to “worshipping” them as “other gods” is serving idols and provokes God to anger. So, we need to draw the line and stop short of what is prohibited.

Those two ladies’ mothers were acting out of ignorance, fearing that if their daughters become Christians, then they have lost them to a “foreign god”, as they will not burn incense to them after they are gone, which is the only act they recognize as filial piety. But is that true? Not only is this thinking illogical, it even goes against the teaching of Buddhism or Taoism which they supposedly embrace:

• True filial piety should be expressed while the parents are living, not just after they have passed away.
• Why is burning joss sticks the only accepted expression of filial piety? We don’t kowtow to our parents or grandparents while they are alive, why insist on this after they are gone?
• What evidence is there that our deceased ancestors have become “gods”? According to the concept of reincarnation or transmigration taught in Buddhism and Hinduism, the soul of a living being starts a new life (rebirth) in a different physical form body after biological death. The different forms depend on the karma or works done in previous lives, with good intent and good deeds contributing to good karma and good rebirths, while bad intents and bad deeds result in bad karma leading to bad rebirths. There are three good realms and three bad realms where souls may end up, in descending order: (1) heaven, (2) demi-god, (3) human, (4) animal, (5) ghosts, and (6) hell. Superstitious folks have assumed that their ancestors have become god’s or demigods and can bless and protect them, but what’s the evidence that this is the case? That’s their wish, without evidence. Just for the sake of argument, if their ancestors have reincarnated as humans who don’t know anything about their previous life’s descendants, how can they bless or protect them? Worse, what if they have rebirthed as lower than human, why worship them? It just does not make sense!

Unfortunately, superstitious folks are not in the habit of reasoning and discerning – they just follow tradition. What can we do? Fortunately, while “the god of this world has blinded the minds of the unbelieving so that they might not see the light of the gospel of the glory of Christ” (2 Co 4:4), unbelievers can still see good behavior which opens the way to their eventual conversion:

• 1 Pet 2:12 Keep your behavior excellent among the Gentiles, so that in the thing in which they slander you as evildoers, they may because of your good deeds, as they observe them, glorify God in the day of visitation.
• 1 Pet 3:1 In the same way, you wives, be submissive to your own husbands so that even if any of them are disobedient to the word, they may be won without a word by the behavior of their wives,

I would therefore recommend that first keep your behavior, and attitude, excellent to establish credibility. Honor your parents and elders so they know you love and respect them. Do whatever you can to meet their needs; provide for them; show them you care. When it comes to the Qingming Festival or Tomb-sweeping Day, use alternative expressions such as clearing the grave of debris or offering fresh flowers as memorials, to show you have not abandoned your ancestors, just doing it differently. When the time is right, pull them aside to explain why you are doing this. Not all cases are successful, but I have seen many instances in which hostile behavior of pagan relatives have been won over by the gentle spirit and good deeds of believers. Above all pray, and God will take care of the rest.

Rayliu1

Pastor Ray’s blog Raykliu is continued in Rayliu1.

Please go to http://rayliu1.wordpress.com/ for future posts.Pastor Ray’s blog

Grand Kids having Fun

Children don’t really need a lot of expensive toys to have fun. When we were kids, we did not have the latest gadgets, just balls, marbles, and action figure cards. Adults spoil kids by lavishing fancy toys on them every Christmas, birthday, and for no reason. But running around, playing hide and seek, drawing etc. are just as much fun, more healthy, and cheaper too! Here our grandkids enjoy each others’ company by playing with just one ball and a few pillows. Beats going to ToysRUs!

Running around and making lots of noise:

Hiding to surprise everyone:

Grand Kids Year-end

Last post in 2014 – grand kids again!

KSP singing He’s Able:

SEL doing hand stand:

NCP snow slide:

ZML sitting on cousin:

Ray’s 2014

Both Facebook and Google+ make the year in review for their subscribers – the former with photos you post online, the latter with photos and videos automatically backed up on the “cloud”. This clip is the latter, and 2014 was eventful. It started with:
* our kids treating us to a Disney vacation with their families,
* my mom being hospitalized with pneumonia twice, while we were out-of-the-country on a short-term mission trip to explore the feasibility of entering a potential field.
* We then celebrated our 40th anniversary on a Baltic cruise with a couple of our best friends,
* renovated our house over 3 months in 2 stages,
* my mom going home to be with the Lord, and
* trying 10 different ways over 2 months to resolve a raccoon problem.
* We went on a second STM to plant the seed for a new church, and
* ended the year with a mini reunion with several of our university classmates and their spouses, friends we’ve known for 46 years.
A mix of ups and downs, fun and work. Some memorable, some we’ll rather not go through again. In this world we will have trouble, and challenges. Some battles are worth fighting for, some not. Don’t waste your life. Only one life ’twill soon be past; only what’s done for Christ will last (CT Studd). Do what you can with what you have for the Lord. The rest will fall into place.

Our Grand-kids

Have not posted for a while on our favorite subject – our grand-children. All have grown too fast! Here are a few clips of what they had been up to:

KSP: Learning several languages, including African not included in this clip.

SEL: Bravest of them all

NCP: Learning to sing. “A” for effort.

ZML: A little shy, though not usually.

Surprise Party

The grandkids got surprise visitors for a birthday party – live animals! We were surprised that they weren’t afraid to pet them, even though some have a reputation of being dangerous! We also learned who’s fearless and who’s not (adults!). A good time was had by all, young and old.

Milk snake

Tree frog

Skinny pig, a hairless variety of guinea pig.

Dwarf caiman alligator

Tarantula

Tortoise (land), not turtle (water)

Pygmy hedgehog

Baby python

Skink lizard